Is it to late

Andrew Morley

My children are Ethan 16 and Victoria 14. I love them with all my heart, but I have very little contact with them.
My ex wife and I separated 9 years ago, it was not a mutual separation. I left the family home because my ex wife one day out of the blue said “ We don’t love you anymore and will be better off without you” I took this at the time, as an argument and that she didn’t really mean it. Things went back to normal and we carried on normal life. Well normal for us. My ex wife’s family from Spain would visit for 3 to 4 months at a time. Her Mum and Dad then her Spinster Aunt. So really we were never allowed to be our own family unit for any real length of time. So over the next 2 years things got steadily worse where by we would row and she would retreat in to our room a and be on the phone to her mum or her friends for hours on end. I would feed the children take them to school do their home work with them do normal parenting with them. But as time went on my son started saying strange things to me like “Dad why do you hate me” and “Mum said you are crazy”. I would cuddle him and tell him “ there is nothing in this whole world that would stop me loving you and your sister” but as time went on the children became more and more distant from me. I never ever thought that my ex wife would be saying bad thing against me while I was still living in the family home. I said I would never leave however difficult it became. I would always be there fore my children. Then in 2009 I had a heart attack. My ex wife and children were in Spain Visiting her parents for the 6 weeks summer holiday. I would go out and stay for 2 weeks but was made to feel like I was intruding. But this summer I had my heart attack and was admitted in to hospital for 9 days. When my Sister, who as very close to my ex wife rang to tell her I was in hospital we said. “ we will be home in 2 week “ she didn’t call me once. I tried to call her mobile and the house phone in Spain but only ever got the answering machine. A week later they travel back from Spain. She didn’t come up to the hospital to see me for 3 days. We she did ( because our mutual friend had posted on Facebook that she hadn’t been up )she didn’t bring the kids with her, because “they were very anxious “. My sister went to see my children that night, in conversation asked “I bet you can’t wait to see Daddy” my sons reply “Daddy is not coming back he’s nearly dead” that came out of the mouth of a 7 year old little boy. Where would he have got that notion from. My Sister reassured him and my 5 year old daughter that I really wasn’t that bad and would be home in a few days. She asked my ex wife “why he would say such a thing” she said I thought it was best to give them the worst case scenario.

I was discharged and she collected me from the hospital. I came home and my children seemed shocked to see me. My son never came and gave me a cuddle he sat on the sofa and said my said you weren’t coming back. My daughter came rushing to me as 5 year olds do and gave me a big hug and said I missed you Daddy. That evening my ex wife asked what I was cooking for dinner. I said I’m supposed to be on bed rest as I have just had a stent fitted. She stormed out of the house shouting “ come on kids F**king McDonald’s it is then you lazy b*stard” I New then it was time to leave. In my mind I was thinking “ if this carry’s on what sort of a home is this going to be for my kids” I thought that if we separated at least half of the time they would see me and I could give them the love they needed from me and that wouldn’t be affected by her.

Oh how wrong I was. The day I left was traumatic for the kids and me and I’m sure my ex wife even though she shouted “go on then f*ck off “and slammed the door behind me. The children were staying the night with a friend at the time. But she went round there and told them Daddy had left them and he didn’t loved them anymore.

I went to see them everyday after that to reassure them I still loved them and that they were my only reason for living. But it got steadily worse. They didn’t want to see me according to her. When I came to the house she wouldn’t let me in. I resorted to having a conversation through the letter box with my 5 year old daughter who was crying “ I miss you daddy “

My son didn’t want to speak to me. My daughter said mummy said you hate us. That poor little boy was being comforted by the very person who was mentally hurting him.

I went to social services and said what was happening. They didn’t want to know. I went to a solicitor who told me “ there is no law against parent alienation in this country. I went to court to get access to my children as she was saying they didn’t want to see me. The court gave me access, but she carried on not letting them see me. The courts and social services have done nothing for my children. CAFCASS did an assessment ante came to the conclusion that after visiting with the children “what a loving environment the children were living in”

So my children’s relationship with their Dad is reduced to one 30 mins assessment.

I have struggled to see them ever since.

This week my son went off to Spain he’s 16 now. He rings me when he needs money but won’t speak to me otherwise. My Daughter 14 now says hello if I go to the door but doesn’t really want to see me at all.

I love them with all my heart but I’ve lost them to her.

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